Psychic Death and the Black and White Hole Within

Today, I am replaying and rewinding my dark night in the jungle. I see it now as a black hole: the internal mass became so immense that it began sucking everything in with such velocity that, in a single moment, it converged at point zero and exploded. The former world was gone; now, there was only dust. It resembles a mathematical vector that switched polarity, turned around, and surged in the opposite direction.

The same thing happened a second time, a month later, when everything collapsed into a single point again. I realized and saw, once more, that I am The One (alone). This was my third conscious experience of passing through a point of infinite mass.

This means the black hole is in place. It pulled everything in and exploded again.

When I was 3 or 4 years old, I had a dark blue bouncy ball filled with tiny glitter sparkles. I remember lying on the bed, examining it, and imagining that it was an entire Universe. Every sparkle was a whole galaxy, and somewhere in there, there was another boy looking at a bouncy ball inside the bouncy ball, and so on, endlessly. I still don't understand how I could operate with such concepts at that age, other than through the force of pure childhood imagination—but now, 30 years later, I think I was damn right.

In high school, when I felt happy, I arrived at a feeling of wholeness that had always eluded me. In a psychological test, we were asked to write down on a sheet of paper what we wanted to become. I wrote: "I want to become whole." On the rest of the sheet, I drew a circle. Back then, I sensed wholeness as a solid ball inside and a sphere around it; I often used this image when meditating or praying. But now, it seems to me that perhaps it wasn't a ball. Perhaps it was a mass with a gravitational force that swirled everything around it, forming a sphere. And this is not statics; this is life.

Over the last year, I saw this image of the black hole in the souls of two women. It is surprising that I was so strongly drawn to it, but now I understand: when I looked into them, they were showing me my own black hole. I saw in them what I had not recognized in myself. They pushed me into my own gravity, forcing me to feel the mass of the center at point zero.

Zero > Dust > Marble Formation > Finishing > Sculpture > Gravity > Zero

The essence: the black hole I saw in others was not theirs, but mine. And the ball and sphere I had imagined turned out not to be a static object, but a living organism that lives by its own laws of physics.

I don't know why I called this point a black hole, probably due to the physics of the process I fell into. But sitting here now and looking into it—it isn't black. It is white. A White Hole. I am introducing a new term: The Human White Hole.

Sitting and observing it, I want to note that the White Hole does not have the same physics as the Black. They are different entities.

I would describe it as a magnetic field around the center directed outward, where the velocity of objects is higher closer to the center than it is for objects further away. The mathematical vector of the White Hole is charmed by the Black. The mass in the center tends toward infinity, but the direction of movement is away from the center.

I am observing two different entities connected to each other. I am introducing the concept of the Human Black and White Hole. They are linked by a mass in the center tending toward infinity, but with different vectors of movement. Both possess orbits where the speed of objects increases the closer they are to the center.

In essence, by the physical nature of these holes, human life rotates in an orbit around the center. Objects, like particles, are situated on the orbit of the center on either the White or Black side.

The Therapeutic effect arises through the following mechanism:

Objects on the dark side approach the center with increasing speed, where they are compressed under the influence of infinite mass. At this moment, the object's polarity (its vector) changes to the opposite. After the polarity shift, the object exits through the white side at maximum velocity. As it moves away from the center, the speed decays, and the object enters an orbit. If the object's speed drops enough that the field of the white side no longer acts upon it, it is captured again by the pull of the dark side and returns toward the center.

The Nature of the System: The Black and White holes represent both a sphere and a tube simultaneously—simply in different dimensions.

It is crucial to introduce a key aspect: The External Observer, that very "One."

He can observe all particles and their movement, but he can never enter the center himself, as he exists in a different dimension. He sees the sphere, but he feels the tube. For The One to enter the center of infinite mass means death and a shift of his dimension. Therefore, as long as that very One is alive, the center is inaccessible to him. He sees the center in the sphere, he feels it through the passage of particles (objects) in the tube, he is aware of the compression by infinite mass, but he never actually lands in that center himself. This creates the feeling of the eternally elusive moment of wholeness.

The Matrix of Objects of The One: Today I was talking to a friend and asked the question: what is an object and a subject? Even with his explanations, I heard nothing sensible for myself, so I will introduce my own designations to close this question.

We can imagine human life as a set of particles or objects placed in a mathematical matrix. Each object represents a mathematical vector. The objects are located on the orbit of a sphere around the center.

The vector of an object connects it to other objects in the matrix—this forms the canvas of the human life of The One, where all objects are logically linked to one another.

That very One is the only Subject in the plane of the object matrix and the canvas of his own life, even though he himself is located in another plane among other Subjects.

This creates a paradox in which Subjects collide with the objects of other Subjects but cannot interact with each other as "Subject—Subject," because they are playing on a plane where they are the sole Subjects and operate only with objects, even though they are aware of other Subjects.

This can be visualized as two parallel planes: on one level are the Subjects (those very Ones), and on the other level are the matrices of objects of these Subjects. That very One can recognize another "One" as a Subject, but can interact with him only through objects.

Let's provide a therapeutic example and introduce the Concept of the Singularity of Desire.

Suppose there is a person—that very One—in a state of depression. He wants nothing; "there is no desire." The objects in his focus of attention are located far from the center on the dark side. The speed of movement is minimal, but the vector is toward the center. Gravity accelerates the movement. At some moment, compression by infinite mass occurs at point zero, the vector changes direction, and it pushes the object (in the form of desire) out of the center and outward into orbit with the opposite charge.

Essentially, The One must survive the death of the object in order to change the polarity of that object's vector, and to gain from this process an outward directionality—creating the "desire to eat" (or to live).

To sum up, by the force of my wild imagination, I have invented a magnificent globe onto which any owl can be stretched. Having stretched the owl onto the globe, we can speculate on where else this wondrous theory can be applied. For example, to describe through it the work of archetypes, the conscious and unconscious, the simultaneous presence and absence of trauma, the problem of the socio-moral versus the animal, and other such nonsense.

The life of The One is a journey from zero to one and back.